He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
