ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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