I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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