I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
