exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
