i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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