When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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