oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
