Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
