I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
