pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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