I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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