uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
