So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
