There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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