dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just googled if crying burns calories
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
