I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
