VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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