I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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