meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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