i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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