arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
