he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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