you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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