I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
