I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
