There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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