Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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