Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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