Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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