Got a toothbrush?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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