Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
