He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A bitchslap is in order.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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