Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
