on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
