I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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