Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
