I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
