I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
