dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
