So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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