Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
