I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
