the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
