the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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