So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
third nipple confirmed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
