We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
