o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize