my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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