I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
