Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
