Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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