I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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