i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
