Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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