i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize