I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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