I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
