I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
