I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
