im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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