double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
