im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize