He passed out mid-signature
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
