the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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