Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
