nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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