This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
