I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
