Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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