the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
