I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
