So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
