Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
