I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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