Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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