you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
