Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
