Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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