She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i drank out of a bidet.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
