My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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