your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
