At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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