Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
