I'm going to jail i love you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
