Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
