i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
