He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
