how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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