you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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