He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
