Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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